1337
'The year is 1337'
This brings me back to my senior MLG class when i was only 666 years old, where we used to praise faze every day. The year 1337 exists as a stain in my pants MIND, as a memory that will not go away, no matter how hard I try to forget it. 1337 marks thee year i perrformed my first 360 no-scope, My first time drinking mountain dew, and unfortunately, the early loss of my left arm.
That one memory that refuses to be wiped, it all started with that new (or old) intervention sniper rifle. When no-scoping was a massive craze, i always loved no-scoping suckas on the street, no-scoping was amazing. Everyone at my school enjoyed no-scoping. No-scoping the game, AKA call of duty, no scoping the TV program, no scoping the board game, but most popular, no scoping the game. The problem was that No-scoping the game came on at 666 pm, and YOUR MUM My dad watched watched the Illuminati at Illuminati o' clock, which meant I had to miss a game every day, something I bitched continually on and on about and didn't let my dad sleep over it, because I was so pissed off. My dad got tired of me going on and on about it all the time, so he went and bought another T.V.
It was just a piece of shit computer monitor with a mountain dew bottle and an empty doritos packet for reception. My dad put it in my room. It also couldn't load up No-Scope the game, or even No-scope the T.V. program at that. I didn't care though. I was just so thrilled that I had my own television in my own room. After searching through the channels, I realised only channel 666 was worth watching (666 T.V). It wasn't for a few months I found channel 01189998819991197253. I used the remote to find channels, and I tuned in to channel 01189998819991197253. My dad was surprised too, but he let me watch it 'cos it seemed to 'av kids programs on. The channel was called Ferring local 01189998819991197253. I did indeed find out that it was broadcasted in Ferring, England, a town very close to my hobble.
The show on Ferring local 01189998819991197253 looked poorly made, and I never understood wot wus going on in them 3/4 of the time, however as I grew up, I realised how fucked up the shows were.
The following is a list of shows I remember seeing on Ferring local oh christ do i have to type this out again? how I remember all this shit at all is freaks me the fuck out. There were only 666 shows I could find on the channel, because it only broadcasted from 666 o' clock to illuminati o' clock2. Of course I won't go over all of it, because it would kill my hands typing all that shit out.
April 1337
Pussay: episode 666. I recall there was a show called Pussay, where the actors where just feet, no puppets or anything. The show featured a foot called Pussay who found himself in a new position every episode. The show was only 666 minutes long, and look like it was shot in front of your mum. This was the first episode I watched. It began with Pussay trying to open a jar of mayonnaise. It actually showed him PATRIXXX and shrek beating the jar for a good 1337 minutes. Then, EVL KERMIXXX came on screen and said 'Together!' while rainbows popped on screen. Then, they both started beating the bottle until it broke open and ejaculated mayonnaise all over the table. I remember laughing my ass off at this point, and having to go to hospital due to lack of Oxygen.
Mr Horse's attic: Episode 360: Yeah, Very fucking weird name by today's standards. The program featured a guy wearing a rubber horse mask who would get a new visitor every day, Because kids just walk into attics nowadays for some reason. The show was filmed with a second generation I pad. The Coppas asked me a lot about this show. This episode started with Mr bear playing No-Scope: The game!™. I didn't see notice at first, but the mum in the attic was the same one from Pussay. He sat there playing for a bit, until there was a knock on the ladder. 2 young children came in.
Mr Horse™ Break danced in delight and then started talking to the kids; I couldn't hear that well because my ears were still recovering from the fact that I went unconscious due to lack of oxygen about 20 mins ago, not because He had a horse mask on. I cant remember much, apart from the only light in the room was a lava lamp, and he started Singing the song [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFdLSM8zVVI monsters by matchbook romance™] but I couldn't hear it at all, but I new he was singing it Because I am magic like that.
May 1337
Dog shit and Fork™: I'm pretty sure this wasn't even a show, It was more of a half an hour shitheap of a kids show™, and I stopped watching this piece of crap channel that i'm not going to type the name of because it kills my fucking hands. I don't remember much of this, but I remember there was dog shit, fire and a fork, With the dog shit and fire™ both being on strings. Like I say I said but I never did, I don't remember this show very well, the only thing I remember is the end. The end showed your mum, the same one from Pussay, with kids sitting around it. Each with an NES in front of them. They were sitting and looking at the camera, each with terrified looks. The cameraman held multiple copies of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde™ and said ' Ready to play this Shitload of fuck?' and then it just stopped.
July 1337
Winter is coming. and I hadn't watched channel 01189998819991197253. Until 666 day when I slept over at Your Mums my friends howse. I decided to check it out again. My fried had gotten a T.V. in his room for his six hudreth and sixty sixth birthday, so we stayed up very late ( for us, illuminati o'clock was very late) and watched T.V. That's when I remembered channel 01189998819991197253 and bought it up to my friend. we checked to see if it wus on, and it fucking was!
Mr Horses attic™ - Episode 666: This episode was fucking hilarious for my friend and I 'cos it had swearing in. But when I look back at it now, I realise something was definitely wrong when it was made. The episode starts with the iPad on its side, and it isn't changing camera rotation. It wus Facing Mr. Horse, who walked over to the ladder to the attic. There was also a kid talking to him, but he looked about 666 or 667.
He was talking to Mr Horse for a while, but I couldn't hear well ( again, with the I pad ) until the kid started raising his voice. The kid was saying how it was late, and he and his sister needed to get home soon. and you could hear more voices in the background. I remember Mister Horse™ clearly saying "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH" with a deep voice. The kid banshee sprinted to the ladder and said he was gonna call the coppas. Mr Horse began Galloping towards him, then the episode ended.
Pussay - Episode 720 - Playing with Bare Circuit boards. One relatively sunny afternoon, I was bored and decided to tune in to channel 01189998819991197253. When I started watching, some show about some guy in an armchair was just finishing, it was called big brother or some shit. When I first saw the episode, I thought it was for teen's as it contained bare circuit boards. When the coppas told me everything, I new who the blood had belonged to. The episode showed Pussay and EVL PATRIXXX. Pussay was holding a bare circuit board.
Another foot shot on the scene. Literally, there was a loud bang and a flash and it arrived on scene. It was jerking violently as if someone under your mum was forcing it. "Bare circuit boards are very dangerous kids!, so hold them safely!" he started lacerating the smaller foot with the brass nubs soldered to that green deth machine. I turned it off and never discussed it with my dad 'cos i thought he would conviscate my bare circuit boards.
August 1337
I didn't want to watch that channel after that episode of Pussay. But, in August I grew curious about Mr Horse's attic. When my dad was busy, I flicked on channel 01189998819991197253.
Mr Bears cellar - Episode 360: Apparently this episode was on for all of eternity. It was just Mr Horse doing a review on action 52 and at the end saying "If you want to come round to my attic and play the only multiplayer game on this shitheap, send me a letter!"
The following image popped up and remained there for the rest of the episode
So dya know what? I sent 'Mr horse' a postcard. and I got a response. The response read
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHH OOORRRHHH ORH RHO OHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRO OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHRRRRR OHHHERRR OHHHHRRRRR
'666 hells drive, hell, north korea' "
Love Mr Horse
i can't believe your mum never found this sketchy. That's went the copas came involved.
This brings me to why I am parodying one of the greatest creepypastas ever, See back then creepypastas were some fucked shit, and the entire everything is coming back. That brought 1337 back to me, over 666 years later, it is happening again....
XxXUpdateXxX
People have been MySpacing me about what exactly happened in 1337, I will get back to that, Those weird shows i was watching were apparently supposed to attract kids to Mr. Horse's attic, what Mr. Horse did shocked the universe.
My dad actually drove me to North Korea with the address Mr. Horse left on the letter. The house was actually underneath the city. It looked like it was built in the future. There were no windows, and the house looked like your mum, demolished, left in a state of disrepair. As we walked up to the house i remember my dad checking the address over and over, looking at the house in disbelief. Then the door opened.
I expected Mr. Horse to be at the door, but I was surprised to see the lead guitarist for Guns N' Roses™. Slash began talking to my dad, while I asked if that was Mr. Horse's house, if he was actually slash, and if the previous questions answer was 'Yes' if i could have an autograph. The answer was yes to all, but then he muttered [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGxwbhkDjZM 'O lord Jesus there's a fire...'] My dad started talking to slash and told me to go to the helimachopter. Then we just flew home. My dad got all bitchy to slash about the economy and shit. I felt something [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2rwxs1gH9w spooky] had just happened.
My dad didn't tell me what happened for a while, I forgot about it anyway too. Channel 0118999889991197253 and when I asked your mum about it she would say she remembered vaguely being a part of it. I think i was 666 when I learned the truth. I remembered channel 01189998819991197253 one day and asked my dad 'bout it. I guess he finally decided i should lick see the truth.
Ferring local (insert painfully long number here) was a local TV channel (No shit Sherlock) that ran from October 1337 to August 1337 in the hole world. The entire channel was only made from the house Slash emerged from and was run by someone who no-one really knew. The reason that the channel was only available to my shitty mountain dew and doritos powered T.V. is because that shit is 3mlg5u. But while most people thought he was just a fucking torturer or pedophile, the real reason was so, so much worse. I'll tell you one thing.
He definitely wasn't a pedo.
Lol, Nuva update!
Sorry for not answering questions for long, I haven't accessed my P.C. for a while as I had to get someone to remove some malware after ur mom watched too much dodgy porn (OH BURNED). *coughs* anyway, I visited the house formerly owned by "Mr Horse." Turns out two men live there buying rare and shit NES games... How ironic. Now to answer the questions you sent me.
Q:
Who else watched Ferring Local 01189998819991197253?
A:
I know other people watched it for sure, Including the poor, god forsaken Teens that ended up in Mr. Horse's attic. After some Ask Jeeves!™ searches, found a few people on the Borderlands wiki talking about it. A user called Creeper935 seemed to know all the shows worth noting.
Quest For the Gamechild™ - Creeper935 described as a fairly decent clusterfuck of semi decent cultural references.
Best in slot!™ - A fairly standard borderlands reviewing thing.
I'll go looking for the conversation, see if i can get the link (SPOILERS, I wont.)
Q:
Where is Mr. Horse, or whoever portrayed him?
A:
If I did know, I would probably have said. I'm assuming alive. When I see your mum, I will hopefully get a more definite answer.
Q:
What did Mr. Horse do to the kids.
A:
Point of advice, Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to. But, the most I can give you guys at the moment, is that the police found 15 child corpse's in a swamp, with blood draining from the ears, the autopsy showed that they had been exposed to the highest, loudest notes possible, ever. How this happened is unknown.
That's all folks! But Belive me, there will be more.
Update 2.0
I'm Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while, well, for about 5 1/2 hours probably, I kind of lost interest in this troll pasta (No I didn't for the record), and i hit a standstill looking for the owner of Ferring local 01189998819991197253.
However a few weeks ago, I struck Gold Sulphide. Literally. Banged it with my shovel and went to hospital. But, In the hospital was some Izzy guy or some shit that claimed he worked with Mr horse. They were on drugs half the time so never got his name, he used to live in a small shack outside of Ferring.
When he lived there, he used to hear strange howling noises coming from the forest at night, extremely high pitched. He had difficulty sleeping so one day got sick of it and walked into the woods and told them all to shut the fuck up. He then saw a single blonde haired man, who acted extremely jittery, and acted like a drug addict. He asked him what he was doing out in the forest with 20 kids, and as a joke he responded, "Molesting these sweet children 'o mine!" This izzy guy said he grabbed him by the neck and pushed him up against a tree and told him to shut the fuck up. The methead responded "ok" and he let him go. Izzy paused. He told me that they went to the other end of the spectrem, becoming so much louder, Singing crap about jungles and children and the like. But he never went and talked to the pothead again as he was moving away in a couple of weeks.
I told the Izzyguy that he was probably the owner of Ferring local 01189998819991197253. He doubted, as he heard he was moving away soon from several of his rock friends.
Here is what I now know
* 1 + 1 = 2
* 2 + 2 = 3 4
* 4 + 4 = 8
* 8 + 8 = 16
I will discuss this with your mum, see if she can find any similarities, etc. and see if she has any more knowledge on Ferring local 01189998819991197253.
Update 3.0
Good news guys and Gals! I talked to your mum, and she disclosed lot of information for me. First, I asked da coppas if they had any info on the man who ran Ferring local 01189998819991197253, she replied that they had only had the same leads for years. However the xXx_Worthing_Police_xXx do have some Recorded over porn DVD's containing the shows. Each of the main station's in Britain (which there weren't many of) contained different DVD's. I guess I haven't said much about this gal. Her name is Jonas, and she is carrying the wheel, a pretty nice gal, she seems to understand why I want her pussey to know what happened in the late 1330s.
She took me to the xXx_Worthing_xXx_Police_Station (if you don't know it's the largest police station in the universe). I got to watch all the 3 tapes in the station, but couldn't take any home, as if they leave the station they intsantly self combust and explode.
Pussay: Episode -1 - Friends are like guitars. This was one of the first booby episodes made that got sent to the purgatory that is the minus world. The camera quality was mind numbingly bad, Possibly being filmed vertically with an I phone, but it was set on the same your mum as usual. This began with Pussay messing around happily for a few secondos before another foot entered. The other foot was much smaller, looking as if it belonged to an adult (Of course, Mr. Horse foot was Pussay, and his feet are huge!).
The smaller foot slid up to Pussay, and Pussay started sexually assaulting it violently. This continued for at least 666 seconds until the phone panned left until the still Fucking Feet were out of shot. The camer cep't panning until it showed a Les Paul lying by itself. The iPhone then got closer to the guitar, you could tell it wasn't Zooming because it was too shit to do so, as a deep teen voice came audible saying " Friends are like guitars in the fiery pit of hell that is the garden of rock". Then the episode ended.
Best in Slot™: Episode 7: Worst in slot. Best in slot was one of the shows Creeper935 and NeonNinjax discussed on the borderlands wiki. I told your mum about this and she said that 7 episodes aired from May 16 1337 to 17th December 1337.
Exactly as Creeper935 described it, the episode opened with the player in the bloodshot stronghold area of the map, near to the entrance. The camerman hopped around a pile of different rarity weapons.
The camera then panned closer to all these weapons revealing the name. Names such as Logans Gun and the Tunguska. I recall that the cameraman spoke in a relatively normal voice, not nervous, but not scared to interrupt the bandits in the stronghold with him. Your mum then told me that this wasn't actually Mr. Horse, but someone he kidnapped and forced to make the final episode of best in slot.
Mr. Horse's attic - Episode 25. When the admin brought this in a started chuckling and said "Oh shit!". After that all the police officers shot me and I didn't see the episode. For now, I'm died.
But wait! There's more! I wake up in my hospital bed. Im done with this story for now. I'm gonna get into uni, get a car, get a licence then go on. This is my signing off.
Another Udate ftw.
On today, I finally got my halimachopter licence (in no countries as this one is illegal, it allows you to fly helimachopters.). Of course, I did jack shit with this and used my KAR instead. I drove down to Ferring to see the infamous hellhole where my ruined childhood was located. The house looked very dirty, and was definitely abandoned. At the door I found an NES cartridge at the entrance, covered in dirt. I blew it and saw a Docter Jekyll and mr Hyde cartridge. I shit my self, dropped it and stomped on it violently, just as my brother James would have done. There was a for sale sign next to the door slash left out of so long ago, showing someone still owned the house. I decided to leave before someone filled my chest with a buckshot round, but my body decided otherwise.
The abanonded house drew several memories in my mind. Mainley of the day slash was there, and when Mr. Horse wasn't. A strange feeling came over me as I thought of what happened to the teens. I looked through the door, seeing at the end of the hall a Guns N' Roses™ poster on the wall.
To the left of that Poster was an open door, presumably to the kitchen. Because I was mental, I decided to go up to the attic, to see of it had been closed off, and if it wasn't, possibly look around. As I waltzed up the rickety stairs, I felt uneasy, and I seriously hoped the house was empty, thankfully it was. The attic was sealed off by a boarded up door, like the sort you woulds see in low budget Zombie movies, or the kind in houses located in shreks swamp. I didn't want to hang around, so I left.
Behind the house, was the exit to the cave. Behind the cave was a swamp, I wondered if this was the swamp the child corpses were found. I thought to myself "YOLO" and I proceeded to go further into the damp swamp. The swamp was oddly quiet, with the occasional gunshot sound sounding another dead creature. I continued deeper and deeper into the swamp, not caring that if I got lost, I would have no choice but to use Ios 6 maps. (or as I like to call it, I os 666 faps). I arrived at a small village, boarded up similarly to the attic door in Mr Horse's Rapey Place™. I wondered if one of these houses was Izzy's. I went on and arrived at a small clearing, with a small pile of ashes, showing that a small fire had been lit, earlier on.
"WHAT, ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!111" Those words nearly gave me a heart attack. I turned 180 degrees and saw a teen wearing a shrek costume and another teen wearing an EVIL PATRIXXX costume running towards me. My iniatal thought was to imagine my self in happy place, curl up in a ball and suck my thumb, but when I realised they were just kids, I simply stood my ground. "We said... Get the fuck out of here!" said the larger one in the shrek suit half-heartedly. I shrugged. The smaller on took out a bare circuit board and held it in my direction. I got out my iPhone and said "Wouldn't do that". In an immense deep voice, almost as deep as Mr Horse in that one episode.
The two teens withdrew, even though they and I knew perfectly well I wouldn't get any signal, with the one in the EVL PATRIXXX costume putting away the bare circuit board. "Look dude, I don't like people in my swamp. Can you just get the fuck out? Otherwise I'll have to shrek you, and I don't wanna do that." I uttered a simple yet also quite advanced comeback in a plain "Fine. But fuck you." as I turned I realised I had a good opportunity. "You hear of a guy that murdered a load of kids around here in a horse mask about 666 years ago?". The two looked at each other in confusion and the one in an EVL PATRIXXX costume replied "Yeah, EVERYONE knows about him." he said to me as if half of my brain was missing. The guy in the shrek costume said "Yeah, my big brother said he saw him at the storm drain, doing drugs."
My instincts told me this was probably a big load of horseshit they told me out in spite of me entering their 'Fort'. The owner of Ferring local 01189998819991197253 was long gone for sure, only existing as folklore passed down from generation to generation to generation. "Where is this storm drain?" (This wasn't out of curiosity, I was the most gullible person ever. Seriously. Someone took my lungs over it.). The kid in the PATRIXXX costume said "You ain't from round here, are you? Why the fuck did you even come here?" I explained my whole story, about when I watched the show, with slash, Izzy, the house, EVERYTHING. and that I needed to seek out some closure, and get rid of the loose ends that still run rampant in my mind.
The kids seem familiar with the Mythical Ferring Local and gave me a pretty decent description on how to get to the storm drain.I Chucked em a Tenner each, and walked in the opposite direction to the storm drain. I went back to my shit fiat, with even the tape deck broken. Some dickhead shoved a copy of oblivion in it before I got it. Anyway, I am going to conclude what I have gathered for now. When all this is ogre, I'll go to the storm drain, and see if this 'ManHorse of mystery' does still roam this place, even though I dought it. I'm done for now. I feel like for now, my well of information is running dry.
I thank you all for taking interest in my trollpasta, It means a lot to me. But, I will continue my research into this topic for now, this Joey, Signing off.
More update
Wow, nearly 666 months before I last updated. I'm guessing you gaiz thought I was dead. Well I was,but let's save that for a different time. But in all seriousness, I have been very busy the last few months, and something that nearly got me killed multiple times is quite low on my 'List of important shit to get done' list. As of now, I am entering the School of hitmen. As you can imagine, killing people for your pay isn't that simple.
I remembered to visit the storm-drain the kids mentioned. It was a big clearing between the wooded areas. Unfortunately, there was no sign of the Killer Horseman. The only thing I found was some spaz parading around in a bear suit. Also, It was no storm drain that I was described, Just a big ass pipe leading into a hill.
When I returned from Ferring, However, I simply kep't putting off updating the trollpasta, it Just didn't seem as important as my other Priorites. It wasn't until I received a spooky MySpace message that I regained my interest. On December 666th, I received this message.
''Dear Joey''
''My Boy!''
''OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRR ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRO HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OOOOORRRRRR OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRORORORSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS RRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRR EEEEEEEEEEERERERERER OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRR''
Mr Horse.
Now obviously this letter is real, I'm genuinely scared right now, but I would still like to thank Mr Horse for sending this message, cause because of it, I am now filled with (apart from fear) reason to continue this trollpasta till the end. Now my roommate knows all this crap, he thought the letter was fake, I told him to shut up before I kicked his head in.
I'm going to send a reply to this guy. I doubt I'll get much from him, but hey, it's worth a try!