Okay, first things first, I am used to be a huge Magic the Gathering nerd. I had all of the cards and promos. I would pray to Richard Garfield every night, after a long daytime session of Magic Online. I could not get out of my seat when I started playing because I was so attached to the game (and the dry Mountain Dew). And when I did get out of my chair, it was to get the pizza delivery from the Chinese food guy. The only time I ever went outside was to go to FNMs or the church of Shrek, the other deity I worship. I loved the game, and I thought that nothing could separate it from me, except for a brick wall.
Then, everything changed when the Atarka clan attacked.
It was a bright summer day when it happened, not like I would care. I had gathered all of the Pop Tarts that my mom had bought. I was playing standard to test a new brew called "Mono-Purple Control". It had a shiny Charizard, my favorite Vanguard. As I was testing it out, I got matched up with a player named "natasmai666". This person seemed very trustworthy. He was playing a deck he called, "mono-reD rabblEmAsTer Hell." It was a pretty good deck, and he beat me 66-6. I thought, "Huh. How strange. Must be one of those MtGO glitches." I was, somehow wrong, believe it or not.
After the game, he started a chat with me and stated that he wanted to trade something for his deck. I was really impressed by it, so I asked what he wanted my to trade it for. He took about 21.527 seconds to respond with, "Your soul." I was shocked. Was this some sort of cruel joke?
And by that, I mean, wow! What a deal! You bet that I'd want to trade a lousy Soul of Zendikar for a badass Mono-Red deck!
So, I agreed to the trade and we did. But, when I clicked the button to trade, MtGO crashed! Can you believe it? Oh, yes you can, MtGO crashes ALL OF THE TIME!
When I clicked back on MtGO, I was relieved that natasmai666 was still in a conversation with me, and he told me the trade was complete. He gave me a link to what the deck should look like, named DERGINS.dec.exe, and so I downloaded it. I couldn't trust him without checking, so I went to my card library to find that everything was normal. Then I checked the download. I looked down the list, and then checked my library.
I screamed. I couldn't believe what this horrible man had done to my collection. I was expecting to find a deck in it, but I was greeted oh so differently. I opened it to find that they all had pictures of decapitation, rape, torture, and demonic rituals (not Dark Rituals, mind you). But the worst was still to come. I checked what blue cards I had, and then I screamed so loud you could hear it from the moon. It was an atrocity. A monster.
A Fugitive Wizard.
I killed myself immediately.