I know that you probably wont believe this, but I drove to the grocery store to look for some NES games. I was looking for Bible Games, my favorite childhood game. I found an old man at a garage sale with one eye who sold me a NES cartridge for free because he didnt like the handwriting on the scotch tape that was in sharpie. I read it and it said "I am dead"
As you might know, I was obviously desperate for an ancient artifact like an NES game in 2013 and I wanted to relive childhood memories anyway, so I bought it off of him and he said "bye bennifer"
Maybe he was referring to his bifocals that I stole. Anyway, as soon as I got the cartridge I tripped over a piece of cardboard and picked it up. It had a flash drive under it that had the name "bennifer" on it. I picked it up and looked at it. It had the name "bennifer" on it again. but this time it had blood on it. I assumed it was my blood since I just tripped over a piece of cardboard.
Dashing to my car, I saw a very interesting tree that looked like a face. It had a still head with it's lips shrilled up in a circular shape as if it was smiling. It also had a bunch of wrinkles on it. Maybe that's because of the tree. It also had what looked like 16 teeth. They weren't sharp, they looked like any regular teeth. just teeth. It looked like it's eyes were sideways bananas with pupils in them. As soon as I saw the bananas I ran even faster because I have bananaphobia.
Exploring the neighborhood where the man lived, there were several houses that looked the same as his as if I was driving down the same road for ever. I looked at my gas tank and it said it was full, but I looked at my speed gauge and it said 666 miles per hour. There was no way I was driving that fast, so I hit the brakes. My car instantly stopped and I was at my house.
At my house, I unlocked the door and at the door I saw that my dog was dead. I shrugged it off and walked into my bedroom. I contemplated on which of the things I got from that trip to try out first, but I ultimately decided on the NES game. I popped the cartridge into my PlayStation 4 emulator and it started up. What I was brought up to was a hyper-realisticly realistic face with realistic blood coming out of it. His left eye looked like it was staring directly into my soul, and it was hyper realistic. His right eye was just an empty socket hole full of blood. The options on the screen were "options", and "File Select". I checked the options. It had a gore meter, which was set to 666%. Judging by the amount of hyper realistic blood on the screen from earlier, naturally I wanted to turn it down. I tried it and it didn't work. The second option was "darkness". It was set to 13. I tried to edit it but whenever I tried to, the game would do the kefka laugh from final fantasy 6, but it was really fucking loud and it brought my dog back to life. I shrugged it off and cancelled out of the useless options.
Determined to play this game, I looked at the files. The first file was "bennifer". Frustrated since there was only one file slot, I tried to delete it and the game declined. Since I didn't have any other choice, I hit the "START" button. A text bubble appeared on the screen that said "You shouldn't have done that..."
Hesitating to push the A button, I pushed it and a very loud and distorted happy mask salesman's laugh assaulted my ears and killed my dog. The game started up and HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK. IT WAS THAT FUCKING HORRIFYING BANANA MEME FROM THE INTERNET. I jumped back about 300 feet but then I realized he wasn't dancing, so he wasn't nearly as scary. As soon as I got over that horrific sight, I looked at my surroundings. It was a barren facility with headless bodies. Blood was covering the walls and there was a blood written message on the wall. It said "Satan wuz hear" Did I mention the blood was hyper realistic? Because it was. I pressed right on the D-Pad and I could have sworn my heart skipped a beat. The fucking banana did the dance. IT DID THE FUCKING DANCE. THE ONE FROM THE MEME. I died a little inside and it took me a bit to get used to it. I saw what looked like a rubber chicken on the floor, I picked it up and the screen flashed red and the game played the "YOU WILL DIE" clip from the CDI Zelda games, except it was really low pitched and REALLY FUCKING LOUD AGAIN. It brought my dog back to life, and before I could think again, the lavender town theme was playing alongside the backwards song of healing. The banana was all bloody. I moved to the right a little bit. An arrow came out of nowhere and penetrated him right in the fucking knee. That mother fucking banana deserved it.
Expelling every creepy thought from where the arrow could have come from from my head, I realized that the banana was just sitting there. I tried pressing every button on my controller but nothing worked. I sort of started to feel sad for the banana. Even though this was constant dwelling fear in the bottom of my soul, I actually felt grief for it. That banana was just sitting on the ground bleeding out. I reached for the power button on my console, but it played the "Watch Out!" sound from Navi off of Ocarina of Time. It was really high pitched and I almost didnt notice it. I looked back up to the screen and the banana was alive again. I gulped because the banana was alive again, and I knew he was going to wreak some havoc.
Looking at my surroundings again, I saw an oddly out of place door floating on the wall. I tried opening the door and the game said "NO ESCAPE" but I knew that there wouldn't be a door there for no reason, so I kept trying it.
Persistently trying to open the door for the past few hours, nothing happened, so I just continued with the game. I walked past the door, and I was prompted with another text box. It said, "TURN BACK". Of course I didn't take any orders from the game, because I'm definitely not an idiot. I reached the end of the hallway, blood randomly spattering on the walls as I passed more headless bodies. I was told to "TURN BACK" again, and the text was distorted this time, so I turned back because the text was distorted. Going back to the same door, I saw that face from the tree I saw earlier in the wall. I examined the face and it said "yoU were MADe By fRO?m me" I thought the text was just some fucked up gibberish, so I went to the door and opened it. It showed a giant picture of a dead face with dead eyes and bloody mouth with a bloody moustache. The banana took control of the game. He tore the moustache off of the picture, and started to laugh, the picture started to cry blood. The banana stuck the moustache on his now fucked up face. The banana was covered in blood with one of his eyes hanging out. He had a couple of toothpicks stuck inside of him too. I regained control of the game. I walked back out of the door and there was a computer on a desk.
My insides started to churn as I looked at the computer. It looked exactly like my computer at home. I examined the computer and it showed a desktop.
Every second my heart started to race faster as a banana was shown on the screen. It was getting so close as if it was coming out of the monitor. IT CAME OUT OF THE FUCKING TV. I THREW MY CONTROLLER AT THE BANANA AND IT EXPLODED INTO MORE FUCKING BANANAS. One of them touched me and I fainted.
Coming back to my senses, I was at my computer with that flash drive in my hand. It was the same bloody "bennifer" flash drive I had from earlier. I took a look at my room and the TV was nothing but static. My Bible Games cartridge was gone. I had no choice but to put the flash drive into my computer. I put the it in the computer, and it prompted me with a window. The files were "BaNAN.TXT", and "PEEL.EXE" I thought I was going insane at this point. My worst fears were being played with like they were some sort of fucking toy. I clicked on "BaNAN.TXT" and it gave me some japanese text. It said "ルックアットマイバナナ" I have no idea how to read japanese, so I closed out of the window. I opened up "PEEL.EXE" and i was greeted with that old man's face. I yelled out in frustration, "Why are you doing this to me!?" He gave me a smirk and a text box replaced his now gone face "Would you like a cucumber?"
Under the impression that this program was fucking retarded, I hit yes, because I do in fact enjoy cucumbers. The computer produced a very loud version of "Giygas is Fatally Wounded!" from EarthBound and my dog exploded. Blood was everywhere, but I shrugged it off and kept going with the application. The "music" was still going but I got used to it after a while, and then the screen violently flashed a blood red tint, and guess what the fuck happened? Another. Fucking. Banana. The screen was still flashing red with the banana on screen. My electricity went out, but my desktop was still on somehow, with that terrible sound playing and that horrifying banana flashing on the screen. A text box appeared that said "NONE FOR YOU" I swear to god my heart stopped at that point. I forcequit the program because it wouldn't close normally, and now my background was... THAT SAME FUCKING BANANA FROM THE GAME'S MONITOR. I fell back in my chair in shock and hit my head on the solid floor splitting it in half.
MURDER CASE STILL UNSOLVED! A local man was found in his house dead, his corpse mutilated beyond recognition. The only thing that was left as evidence was a banana in the man's hand. A private investigator became hungry on the scene, and unpeeled the banana and there was the word "BENNIFER" carved into the banana itself. The investigator had been sent to prison for 5 years for consuming evidence.