It was a cold Black Friday night. People were trampling eachother into Target to save themselves $0.50 on that tasty stick of butter. I however, was a hipster; as I adjusted my 10-inch long hipster glasses. I was at my home playing Super Mario 69 when suddenly I felt hungry... I looked around for a pizza; as that was what I wanted to stuff inside my hizzle for dinner. I went to my local videogame store, which was called "GameGoGo". It sounded like a rip-off of "Gamestop", which rustled my jimmies. I went inside and saw... A new clerk, he was very thin, but muscular. He was so thin that I wanted to eat him like an Albino french-fry. But I held back my undying lust. I went up to him, and asked for the pizziest game he had. He handed me a broken game disc, which resembled an actual game with a title. "Why is it broken!?" I said. The clerk said "FIX IT YOURSELF MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!", As he kicked me out and on to the streets. i went back home and took a shit. Than I fixed the game because Fix-it Felix came and shrekt'd me. I poopped the game into my Commodore 64 and it loaded in 5.34 seconds. "GREAT JOBU!!!" I said as I took out my belly fat and slapped it repeatedly. The game loaded up and the title said "PEPPERONI PIZZA MOTHERFUCKER!". I stared in awe at the game's title screen covered in Pepperoni, I caressed my computadora pantella in comfort. The game started and it looked like hyper-realistic Playstation 5 graphics at 269 FPS. It was a platformer and you played as John Von Hoppernoclopper, but we'll just call him Jeff. The first level was easy, all you had to do was collect pepperoni and assemble the pizza squad to fight off the bad flavour asslicker from putting black onions on MY pizza. But on the 3rd level, the game took a turn for the worse...Bob was covered in blood and looking at me so sad. I cri'd evry tiem at him T_T. The whole level was kill and every squad member was dead. I kept progressing through the levle. But it kept getting bloodier and bloodier and gorier and dreadlier. Suddenly, Bob came across an pepperoni, he was so happy. He was crying tears of joy at it. He shoved it up his butthole so it could be a part of him. I was so happy at this that I cried for 20 hours straight. But it was not over, suddenly the onion sqaud came and beat up Bob, than DSP came and was like "DOOD THIS GAME IS FUCKING BUGGED! FUCK YOU KOJIMA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" and clapped like a seal for 210 microseconds straight. It was soooooo long that I slept for the time. Than I woke up IN the game. I was so shocked I flipped my cookie. Than I realized the world was destroyed by... PEPPERONIS!!!! "NO! NOT THE PEPPERONIS ARE BAD GUYS!". Than the god of pepperoni came and said unto my soul " Rip in Pepperonis.". And than I finally died... And now... I will haunt your pepperonis because I WAS ACTUALLY A BLACK ONION MOTHERFUCKER! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!