My name is Gray Stiltsman. I come from the downtown streets of Chicago, where you couldn't stand one second without a punk stealing your money. I moved to the streets of Philadelphia to get away from the broken-down streets and all the crime in the town, but life in Illinois still reeks in my mind.
I watch TV to get away from my life. I love television because it makes me forget I live in a shithole of a town. The show that gets me away from life the most is wrestling. WWE gives me the feel that I live in a world of superheroes. My favourite wrestler is Chris Jericho, the dude is charismatic.
Oh yeah, and I'm dead.
The story you are about to hear is true, honest, and very scary. There will be hyper-realistic blood, evil things, and more blood.
I got a VHS from a friend I knew. It was TNA. Honestly, that's what got me in the mood to take my gun. I shot all the dishes in my sink. They bled blood. It was really hyper-realistic, but then again, it is real. Why would the blood be fake? I decided to watch the tape after that burst of anger.
The show began with Mike Tenay. He said "Deliver your anus upon to Satan!" and then puked while meditating for about 5 minutes. The tape ended. I wondered why the hell my own friend would give this to me. I got a phone call after that. It was from Gollum. Gollum was pissed that I didn't give him his shekels I owed him. I told him I never owed him shekels, and then he came out of the phone.
It wasn't Gollum though. It was my father. My father. My father, who was drenched in blood, but I saw something more wrong with him than anything else. His eyes were red, and blood was coming down from his eyes, dripping down to his nose. He then shot my calves. I almost died, but then someone came out of the TV. It was Mike Tenay, from the TNA tape.
But it wasn't Mike Tenay, He had taped wrists, and tights with stars on them. He looked like an edgy teen asshole. He clobbered me to the ground and kneed me. The lil' punk said he'll kick my head in UFC style. I punched him in the balls and he dissolved into blood. I then decided I could not be as good as Mike Tenay, so I went outside and decided to make new friends to become better than Mike Tenay.
I went to a local McDonalds and found a blonde who was lookin' good. I decided do come closer to her and ask her out to a date, but then I realised that she wasn't lookin good. She was lookin kinda pale. I stood up and noticed she was dead.
But that wasn't a girl. It was me. I am dead.