Shrek

>be me
>be 17
>love shrek
>wake the fuck up
>morning wood
>shrek off to Shrek the Third poster
>curse all the fuckers who said it was a bad movie
>go out into livingroom
>two little sisters are at the blu ray
>suggest that we watch Shrek 2
>fucking cunts put on Frozen
>scream
>bludgeon first little sister to death with my dick
>throatfuck the other into oblivion
>parents saw it all
>dad tries to punch me
>fucking dipshit misses
>run outside as parents call police
>Obama jumps down from my roof (he was giving farquaad fellatio)
>Obama, Farquaad, and the police all chase me
>run by a Farquaad-Christian Church
>no other choice
>run inside
>run ogre to the church organ
>fuckwads right behind me
>start praying to shrek while playing All Star melody on it
>"somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me..."
>single tear
>SUDDENLYSHREK!111
>"It's all ogre now..."
>shrek punches seventeen fuckwad worshippers in the face at once
>he jumps ogre to obama
>rips out his small intestine
>whips off his lower half of his body
>fuckingdead
>shrek jumps ogre to a pregnant mother
>rips out her drek-as-fuck baby (still attached to the umbilical cord)
>beats mother with her baby
>wraps umbilical cord around farquaad
>chokes him to death while fucking him up the ass
>finishes the job by shoving the baby up his urethra
>boner
>suddenly the church doors blow open
>literally Jesus
>Jesus and Shrek have an epic battle
>Shrek produces a fuck-tillion onions
>drops them on Jesus' head
>Jesus teleports all three of us into fucking space
>throws galaxies at Shrek
>shrek dodges them all and then picks up three black holes
>fucks Jesus into all three of them while beating off his dick
>Jesus like a loser gets crucified
>suddenly Bill Cosby
>OH SHIT
>Bill Cosby pins down shrek
>bill cosby says if I kill shrek, he will let me go to heaven and forever be happy
>walk ogre to shrek
>produce aluminum bat
>single tear
>BASH IT STRAIGHT INTO COSBY'S VAGINA
>fuck him up
>shrek shoves the entire universe up cosby's ass
>victory
>layer
>shrek and I vigorously fuck in the nothingness
>shrek sits me down, and lets me create my own universe
>I create this very one we live in
>"But shrek... Now our time is ogre"
>shrek smiles
>"It's not ogre... It's never ogre."
>shrek kisses me on the lips
>wake up
>new universe
>lift up the sheets to see my anus is bleeding profusely
>single onion placed on my night table
>think of the meaning of life
>cry
>feel afraid of this brand new world
>take a deep breath
>knowing that life is better to be lived than not
>knowing that I will meet friends along the way
>knowing that I will never be alone
>knowing that shrek is love
>knowing that shrek is life

{{hrb}}
''Credited to .''