Snails

My name is Benjamin Gau, I grew up in 2755 in a strange town named Gosterasus with my dad, Jeffery, two cats and a jar of snails. After some time I left home to join the army back in DC, now called the NWS.
Upon joining I was greeted by an old man with little hair left and a mustache, his name was unknown but everyone called him The General. I trained hard and in the end joined a squad on their way to the desert for a very difficult mission...to find terrorist Abraham Alfakdrav and assassinate him.
We built a small camp and waited to ambush his patrol but he was harder than I thought he would be. He was super fast and had a shotgun with him, he killed almost everyone in my platoon and almost killed me. In the end I shot him in the chest with my pistol but I didn't notice that there was one enemy solider left and he killed me with one shot. I clicked the exit button on the game and gave it a 0/10 in Metacritic because I'm a huge loser.
Two seconds later Jeff came in and killed me with a snail to prove Slenderman exists.