Listen, the only reason I'm going out of my way to tell any of you this is because the story "Jane the Killer" is starting to piss me off.
My real name is Jane Arkensaw, a.k.a. "Jane the Killer" and this is how I met Jeff, the reason I look the way I do, and why I want to kill him.
When I heard that a new family had moved in across the street, I wasn't that surprised. It was a nice neighborhood, and the house was relatively cheap considering where it was. I guess I was about 13-14 when everything went to hell.
I never really talked to Jeff when he moved in. To be frank I never talked to him until... that night. But it's too soon to talk about that now. My first impression of Jeff was that he was a good kid. Probably got nice grades, rarely got into fights, maybe even a cool guy if he opened up to someone.
His brother Liu, seemed like he put family first by the way he sat with his brother on the sidewalk. Of course I was just guessing at the time and really didn't put much thought into my analysis because I was getting ready for school when I looked out the window and I was running late, which was unusual for me at that time in my life because I was hardly ever late for anything. Especially school.
I wasn't surprised when I saw Randy and his stooges go up to Jeff and Liu on that stupid skateboard of his. Randy was nothing but a bully, he always picked on anyone who was smaller than him.
He was even the reason why my parents drove me to school instead of the letting me take the bus like everyone else. Everyone had their lunch money or some kind of cash given to Randy and his goons because of some "toll" that he demanded from everyone.
We all knew Randy's group had knives and threatened to use them on us we ever told anyone about the money they took from the other kids on the block. Everyone, except the new kids they were trying the intimidate like the rest of us.
When I saw Randy talking to them through the window I just looked away. It was wussy thing to do but. I had better things to do than watch another kid hand over his money to Randy. But curiosity got the better of me and I looked up a few seconds later. What I saw left me speechless. Jeff was standing now, and it looked like Randy already had what he wanted.
"Just sit down," I thought, "Don't be stupid".
Then I saw Jeff punch Randy in the face and break his wrist.
"Oh my god." I whispered. Then I yelled, "You Idiot!"
My parents ran down the stairs and asked what happened. Then they looked outside and saw what was going on. Jeff had already cut the skinny guy, I think his name was Keith, and he went down screaming. Troy only went down with a single puinch. Since my house was across the street from where Jeff and his brother were sitting, with the front of the house having big windows, we saw the whole thing. Or at least I did, my parents came in after the part where Randy stole their wallet, so they didn't know the whole truth.
It was disturbing watching Jeff fight. He was enjoying himself too much. I felt a knot in my stomach like something was happening that shouldn't be, and from the look on Liu's face, Jeff didn't do this kind of thing often. Next thing I know I hear sirens and the new kids bolted out of there. The cops came around with the bus driver to check on the "victims". It seemed they were going to be alright.
You know, considering the amount of crap kicked out of them.
Since my parent's policy was "no cops" ever since my dad got framed by a narc cop when he wanted to draw attention off of himself when police where investigating the case of the missing coke. It ended with my dad quitting the force. So when we heard sirens we went into the backyard got into the car and left.
When my parents drove me to school they told me very clearly that they didn't want me talking to Jeff ever. I did not disagree with them.
I had art first period so I didn't see Jeff until close to the end of school. I can still see the colors in my artwork if I think hard enough. But when I try to look at anything now, it all seems gray. I guess that's the price someone pays for losing their innocence.
I didn't see Jeff until the final period of the day. When I did he seemed... off. At first I thought he was just faking the joy so people wouldn't suspect him for the crime that he did. But he really was enjoying himself. It wasn't because he was excited to be at school I could tell that much from him. The smile he wore looked sadistic to me. It was the smile of a madman. The second that bell rang I bolted out those doors as fast as I could. Nobody but me knew what Jeff really was. A freak.
The next day seemed to be passing without incident at first. Then I saw the police car in front of Jeff's house.
"Looks like they got you." I thought.
Nobody could gotten away with something like that (You know, with the neighborhood watch and everything.). But I was wrong with who they arrested. Instead of coming out with Jeff like I expected they would, the police came out with Liu, his brother.
I was barely forming the thought of Jeff framing his brother for the assault when he came out of the house yelling at Liu, "Liu tell them I did it!" (I was able to hear him this time because the front door was open to my house.).
I couldn't hear what Liu said in reply to Jeff's outburst, but it was definitely not what Jeff wanted to hear. A few seconds later, the police drove off with Liu, and Jeff was left outside with his mother. A few minutes later she went inside the house and left Jeff outside. Although I couldn't hear him from across the street, I could tell that he was crying.
But who wouldn't be in that situation.
The next day rumors were spreading like wildfire about Liu. It took so long for the rumors to get started because everyone was afraid to talk about Randy getting his ass handed to him. When it was revealed that he wouldn't be coming back to school for a few days, everyone decided to take advantage of that fact and enjoy it as much as possible, and lots of random bullshit started popping up.
"I heard Liu cut off Keith's arm!"
"Oh yeah? Well I heard that Liu hit Troy so hard in the stomach that he ralphed up blood!"
"That's nothing! I heard that he punched Randy so hard in nose that it came out the back of his head!" and etc, etc, etc.
Personally I didn't want anything to do with Jeff or his brother. But... he just looked so alone and upset that I had to do something. So I wrote him a note telling him that he had a friend in this place and that I was going to testify at Liu's trial about what really happened. I left the note at his desk signed with the letter "J" before class started, then left the room. When I came back Jeff was at his desk and the note was gone.
Saturday rolled around and I was home alone while my parents were at work. The kid next door was having a birthday party. At the time I left my window open because I wanted a nice breeze in my room while I did my homework. But the kids were getting so loud that I decided to close my window. I was about to close it when I saw Jeff playing with the kids. He was running around wearing one of those fake cowboy hats and carrying a toy gun. He looked so ridiculous I had to laugh.
"Maybe he isn't the monster I think he is." I thought, ashamed of myself for suspecting he could have been one.
As I was closing the window, I saw Randy, Keith, and Troy jump over the fence on their skateboards to where Jeff was.
"Not again!" I said to the open window.
I saw Randy and Jeff exchange small talk but I couldn't hear what they said over the sound of the kids yelling and screaming. Then Randy rushed at Jeff and tackled him. I was about to grab the phone and dial 911 when I heard Troy and Keith shout, "No one interrupts or guts will fly!" I looked out the window again and saw that they both had matching guns in their hands. I couldn't have called for help then without endangering the lives of others. I couldn't have called 911 anyway, the batteries in my phone was dead.
Jeff was on his side getting kicked by Randy in the face when he grabbed his foot and twisted it. Randy fell over and Jeff tried to walk back to the house when Troy grabbed him by the collar and threw him towards the house. I heard glass breaking and I knew then that they were going to kill him.
"Randy you asshat!" I screamed at him. But he couldn't hear me over the sound of the kids screaming.
I couldn't wait anymore, so I ran to my parent's bedroom and searched for my dad's cellphone, hoping that he forgot it at home. My heart was pounding in my chest, knowing that the longer it took for me to get help, the higher the chance of someone getting killed was. I finally found the phone underneath the bed. I wasted no time punching in the numbers.
"911 hello?"
"I need help there's an emergency going on next door! Some guys jumped the fence and are beating up someone! They've got guns you need to hurry please!"
"Okay miss I need you to tell me the address and I'll send help right away."
I quickly told her my address and the address of the house next door.
"Please hurry!" I said.
"It's okay just stay on the lin-" BANG BANG BANG!
I heard loud gunshots come from next door. I yelped and dropped the phone, it landed on the ground and broke. Then I ran to my bedroom window to try and figure out what was going on. But no sooner had I poked my head out the window I heard the woosh of a fire and the screaming... I'm going to make Jeff scream like that again when I find him. The only thing I can compare it to is the death cry of an animal. It was at the time for me horrifying. But now it sounds like music to me and there is nothing I want to hear more in the world than him screaming.
I saw fire spew out of the house like an angry dragon. I ran downstairs immediately and got the portable fire extinguisher from the kitchen and ran outside. As I was running I popped the pin for the extinguisher for immediate use. Luckily the door was unlocked as I barged in but when I saw Jeff, I completely froze.
He was lying at the bottom of the stairs almost completely on fire with adults trying to put it out. I saw bits of his skin through all the commotion. Some parts pink, some parts charred, but it was all covered in red. At the sight of all this I screamed and then I passed out. Last thing I remember is some of the adults running towards me. Whether it was to help me or get the fire extinguisher I don't know.
When I came to I was in a hospital bed wearing one of those gowns that a patient wears. A nurse came in a few moments later. She had long brown hair in a bun hidden under her hat. She looked like she didn't want to be there. I asked her what happened.
"All I know is that you were brought in with a few other kids because you fell and hit your head on a fire extinguisher." she said, annoyed.
"A fire extinguisher?" I reached up my hand and touched my head. I felt bandages and a large bump the size of a orange. Then I remembered Jeff. "One of the guys that came in here with me, the one with the burns, is he going to be alright?"
She sighed, "Listen, there was two boys that were brought in with you that had burns, and no I'm not letting you see him just because he's your boyfriend."
I felt the heat rise in my face. "He isn't my boyfriend! I'm just worried about him! Wouldn`t you be worried about someone who you just saw burning alive in front of you?!" I tried to keep my voice steady, but my voice quivered enough to make it sound like I was lying.
"Whatever. Your parents are here by the way. Wanna see them?" she asked.
"Yes, of course!" anything to get me away from that nurse.
My parents came in and the nurse finally left. They asked what happened. I told them everything. The fight, the note, all of it.
"I knew that Randy was no good!" my mom said.
"So have you heard anything about Jeff's condition?" I asked.
"No, not a thing," said my dad, "we just got here as soon as we heard about what happened to you."
"But who told you?" I asked. I didn't think I saw anyone at the party that my family knew.
"The hospital called us." mom said.
"Well I guess that makes sense." it made absolutely no sense to me of course. How would someone be able identify me without me having any form of identification.
I looked in the doorway and saw a man and a woman standing in there. My parents followed my gaze and saw them too.
"Excuse me, but is this Jane Arkensaw's room?" the woman asked.
"Yes." my mother answered, "Who are you?"
"I'm Margret, and this is Peter, my husband." she gestured to the man beside her. "We're Jeff's parents."
I sat up in my bed.
"I'm Isabelle, this is my husband Greg, and our daughter Jane." mom gestured to me.
"So, you're the girl who ran in with the fire extinguisher." Margret said.
"Yes." I replied quietly, embarrassed. "Is your son alright?"
"He just came out of surgery a few hours ago. The doctors said he will be fine."
I relaxed at that thought. "That's good." I said. "Listen. I know what happened to Jeff and Liu on their first day of school..." then I told Jeff's parents what really happened to Randy and his crew.
"We had no idea that Jeff was capable of something like this." Peter said.
"I am willing to testify that Liu didn't beat up anyone and that Jeff only beat up Randy and his gang in self-defense."
"No need," said Margret, "Liu is being released from jail after what happened to those boys."
"That's good." I said.
"We just came to say thank you for trying to help our son, Jane. It warms my heart to see selfless people in your generation."
I blushed, "I did anything anyone would have done in my situation." I looked down, "I'm not a hero."
"Nonsense!" Margret said, "The least we can do is invite you over to our place for dinner when Jeff gets out of the hospital!"
I looked at mom and dad. "It would be an honor." My mom said.
"It's settled then! We'll call you as soon as Jeff gets out of the hospital." we said our goodbyes and then they left.
About 2 days passed and I was allowed to be released from the hospital. During that time I had no contact with Jeff or his family, but I heard that Liu was released from jail and Jeff's wounds were healing.
When I got back to school, I became the center of attention, more or less because I was the only one who saw what happened at the party. But the only people I told about what happened were my friends: Dani, Marcy, and Erica. I didn't know what to tell them so I told them what I saw.
"Sounds like Jeff got his ass handed to him." said Dani, she had raven-black hair, with sapphire-blue eyes. She was usually the most level-headed of us.
"Well at least he went down fighting. I heard he took those idiots to the hospital with him." Erica snickered. She always dressed like she was from the 80's or something. Long, thigh-high rainbow colored socks, with hair to match, and always wearing some kind of backpack with her.
"He also took Jane to the hospital. Maybe she was trying to beat him up too." Marcy laughed. She seemed to be the "girly-girl" of our little group. She was blond with brown eyes, and nearly every time we saw her, she had some sort of pink on her. Whether it was the color of her shirt, or the jewelry around her neck, and she was one of the biggest drama-queens I knew. Always stretching out the truth or blowing something out of proportion.
"I told you, I went over there to try and help Jeff because something was wrong." I muttered. I was the "plain-Jane", brown hair, green-eyes, completely unremarkable looks wise.
"Or maybe... You wanted to see your love one last time before he left to go get help for himself." Marcy said in her dramatic voice.
I just looked at her with my eyes the size of dinner plates.
"Wha... What?"
"You can't deny it Jane Arkensaw! You have a crush on Jeff!"
Every blood cell in my body decided to migrate to my face at once when she said that.
"What?! No! I j-just wanted to help him that's all!"
"Liar! I saw you leave that note you left on his desk! What was it? A confession of your love for him?"
"No! It was nothing like that at all! I was just-"
"So you admit you left him a note then!"
"What do you mean?"
"I was guessing." she gave me a cynical little smile and then just waited for my response.
The other girls started laughing at me.
"Jane it's only a joke! I was just kidding!" Marcy smiled.
"Your face is redder than a tomato!" Erica cackled.
"I hate all of you." I grumbled.
"Oh, stop being so serious!" Dani put a hand on my shoulder. "Come on, let's get to class."
The weeks went by, everything seemed to be normal. I think Liu even made a few friends. Everything was normal and nothing happened. Then Liu came up to me one day and told me about Jeff.
"Excuse me, your name is Jane right?"
I turned around and looked. It was Liu.
"Yes. You're Liu right? Jeff's brother?"
"Yeah." he looked a little uncomfortable. Then again, so was I. "Look my parents wanted me to tell you that Jeff is getting his bandages removed in a few days, so expect a phone call inviting you to dinner soon."
"Okay, well, thank-you." I said.
He was about to turn away when I said, "Hey, listen, what you did for Jeff... that was really respectable."
"Thanks. I heard you tried to help my brother with a fire extinguisher. That was cool."
"Yeah? Well thanks. See you around, I guess."
"Yeah, see-ya."
I was watching him walk away when I heard a little voice beside me say, "Cheating on your boyfriend are you?"
"The fuck?! I turned around, surprised. It was Marcy.
"And with his own brother none the less!" she fake gasped.
"Shut-up!" I yelled. Then I turned my head to make sure Liu didn't hear me. He didn't.
"Lets just get to class." I grumbled.
Two days passed until the phone rang. My mom answered it. A few minutes later she got off and told me this:
"Jeff is getting out of the hospital today Jane."
I looked up at her and said, "That's great!"
"It looks like we'll be having that free dinner in a few days!" she chuckled.
A few hours passed and I heard a car pull into a drive-way across the street. I looked out the window and saw Jeff's car in front of its house.
"Jeff's home." I thought. I decided to watch out of curiosity, to see what he would look like. Dear god how wrong I was.
His dad got out. Then his mom. Then Liu. But what I expected Jeff to look like couldn't be farther from what I saw. He had long black hair down to his shoulders, white, leathery skin, and that smile... that smile was the same smile I saw when he was in class after he beat up Randy, Keith, and Troy.
But Jeff looked right at me. Into my eyes I could feel those soulless, sadistic eyes burn right into my soul. I still shake from the memory even now as I type this. He seemed to be looking at me for hours with that smile until he looked away. I saw him walk into the house with his parents. I didn't even breathe until that door finally closed behind them. My parents came into the living room and asked me what was wrong.
My only reply was a long, loud, scream. Then I fainted.
When I finally woke up, it was dark outside. My parents weren't in their bedroom. The house was deathly quiet. I got up and went downstairs. I was wearing a long nightgown that I wasn't wearing before I fainted. I went downstairs to the kitchen. The lights were on, which was unusual, my parents always told me to turn off the lights in a room when I left it.
There was a note on the table.
I picked it up.
Scrawled on the paper was this:
''Aren't you coming to dinner? Your friends are here too."
I began to shake violently. I dropped the paper. I went to the living room window and looked out. The lights were on in Jeff's house. I knew that I had to go there, but I was terrified out of my mind. I shook my head and looked back again. I saw Jeff leaning on the window in his house staring at me with a knife in his hand and tapping it against the window.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
He was still smiling.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
I started stepping back from the window, never taking my eyes off of him. Then I turned and ran away from the window into the kitchen. When I peaked out of the kitchen to look out the window, all I saw was a smear of red on the window.
I turned around and looked at the kitchen. Everything seemed to be in its place. Even the knives. I grabbed one of them and held on tight. Then I found the phone and tried to dial 911. But the phone line was disconnected. I had no idea where dad's cell phone was, or if it was even fixed. I didn't want to go upstairs to find it. I didn't want to get stabbed in the back while I was looking for it; and if I went to ask one of the neighbors for help, Jeff could kill or hurt whoever he have captive. So there was only one choice. To go fight Jeff alone.
I clutched the knife tighter and went to the front door, put on my shoes, and went outside. My hand lingered on the doorknob as I stepped outside. But I knew what I had to do. I let go of the doorknob and marched across the street to Jeff's house.
As I got closer to front door of his house I began to slow down. My knees began to shake, my palms began to sweat, and I started to breathe faster and shallower. before I knew it I was standing completely still on the front doorstep panting like a dog. I manned up grabbed the doorknob squeezed my eyes shut and jerked it open.
I stood there in the doorway with a knife in my right hand and the doorknob in my left, too terrified to open my eyes. Until I heard a voice say, "Looks like you made it. I'm glad you did, friend." I opened my eyes. Then screamed.
His eyes were large and unblinking, and his smile was red. He had carved a smile into his face! His clothes were covered in blood, and then I passed out.
When I woke up I was at a dining room table. My knife was gone, and when I looked up, I saw people sitting at the table. It was my parents, Jeff's parents, his brother Liu, and my friends. They were all dead. With smiles carved into their faces and huge red cavities in their chests. The smell was unbearable, it's indescribable... unlike anything I had ever smelled before. It was the smell of death.
I tried to scream but I had a gag in my mouth and I was tied to a chair. I looked around at the room in disbelief. Tears were welling up in my eyes from the sight and smell of the bodies.
"Look who's finally awake."
I turned and looked beside me. Jeff was there. I tried screaming but the gag was in the way. Suddenly he was beside with the knife against my throat.
"Shhhhhhh, shush, shush, shush. It's not polite to scream at friends." he began sliding the blade across my face. Constantly tracing invisible lines from the corners of my mouth up my cheeks in a large grinning smile. I shivered as he did this. When I turned away from him he grabbed the back of my head and forced me to look at the scene at the table. "Now, now, don't be rude, you're insulting everyone by not looking at their pretty faces."
I looked back at the table, looking at everyone with their faces carved into smiles and some with their chests still bleeding fresh blood. Hot tears began running down my face and I began to sob.
"Awww what's wrong?" Jeff purred, "Are you upset that you don't look beautiful like them?"
I looked at him, trying to understand what he said. But I looked away when I saw his face again and looked back to the table.
"Don't worry, I'll make you look beautiful too. What do you say?" he then slid the knife under the gag and cut it off.
I spat out the gag and looked at him straight in his eyes, trying to hold his gaze. He tilted his head to the side as he looked back at me. Then I shut my eyes and looked away from him. Then I muttered darkly, "Go fuck yourself." then I turned to look at him again, "You Joker reject!"
He just laughed in my face. I preferred it when he just smiled.
"You're even funnier than I thought."
He came closer to me. I looked away again, feeling his breath against my skin.
"Friends do Friends favors right? Well I'm going to do a favor for you."
I felt him let go of the back of my head. When I looked back he was out of the room. I looked back at the table once more, taking it all in. Fresh tears started to come down my face again as I remembered my family and friends who were alive only a few hours ago. I was still crying when Jeff came back.
"Don't cry." he said, "It'll be all over soon."
I looked down at him and saw he was holding a jug of bleach and a can of gas.
My eyes widened and I looked back at him.
"I didn't have any alcohol, so this will have to do."
Then he began to douse me in bleach and gasoline.
"We had better hurry, Jane. I've already called the firemen."
Then he held up a single match.
Lit it.
Then threw it at me.
The flames erupted as soon as the match came into contact with me. I screamed as loud as possible. The pain was unbearable. I could feel the flesh melting off my body, the heat invading every pore in my body. Blood evaporating in its veins, and my bones becoming charred and brittle.
Before I blacked out, I heard Jeff laughing, "See you later my friend! I hope you become as beautiful as I am! AHAHAHAHA!"
Then everything went black.
When I woke up I was sitting in a hospital bed, bandaged from head to toe. Everything was spinning, and it hurt to blink, and breathe.
I looked around and saw an empty room. I groaned loudly because my mouth was bandaged. Everything hurt. A nurse came in a few minutes later.
"Jane? Can you hear me?"
I looked towards her. The room started spinning even more.
"Jane, I'm your nurse, Jackie, I don't know how to say this but, you family died in the fire. I'm sorry."
Tears started falling down my face again. I sobbed.
"No honey, don't cry. You won't be able to breathe if you do."
I couldn't stop.
"Jane I'm going to give you something to help you calm down alright?"
I felt something run into my blood stream, then I fell asleep again.
When I woke up again I could move more and my body wasn't as bandaged as it was when I first woke up. I looked around and saw that my room had flowers in it. Some were fresh, some were dying. I tried to get up but a nurse came in and put me back down.
"Easy Jane, you've been asleep for a while. Try to take it easy."
I tried to speak. My voice came out rough, and sand-papery. "How, how long was I asleep?"
"Almost 2 weeks. You were put in a medically induced coma in order for your body to heal. I'm the same nurse you saw the first time you woke up."
"Give me a mirror." I said.
"Jane, I don't think that's wi-"
"GET ME A MIRROR!"
I felt the handle of a mirror get slipped into my hand. When I looked into the mirror I dropped in onto the floor. The shattering of the mirror didn't compare to the shattering of my realization. My skin was leathery and brown, I didn't have a single hair on my head, and the skin around my eyes were saggy. I looked almost as bad as Jeff.
Everything came flooding back for me. I began to cry harder than I ever had before. The nurse was hugging me but it didn't help much. At the height of my sobbing, I was surprised that nobody else came in to check up on me. By the time I was done, I could barely speak.
Someone came into the doorway.
"Excuse me, I have a delivery for a 'Miss Arkensaw'?"
"I'll take those." Jackie stood up and went to the doorway. I didn't want the delivery guy to look at me so I stared at the wall in front of me.
"Someone certainly cares about you Jane. It looks like the same person who sent you all these flowers got you a package too."
I looked around at her. She was holding a pink paper package tied with brown string. I reached out and took it from her. The second I took that package from her I knew something was wrong.
"Excuse me but, could I have something to eat?" I asked as sweetly as possible.
"Of course, I'll get you some food right away." Jackie smiled back, then left the room.
My hands shook as I grabbed the string and pulled it. The paper lightly bounced up and I saw something that turned my blood to ice. It was a white mask with black around the eyes and a black feminine smile. It also had black lace covering the eye holes of the mask, so even though someone couldn't see my eyes, I could see them. There was also a long, black dress with a turtle neck, black gloves, and a black wig with beautiful curls. Along with all these things, there was a bouquet of black roses and a sharp kitchen knife.
Attached to the mask there was also a note:
'"Jane, I'm sorry I messed up with trying to make you beautiful. So I gave you a mask that will let you seem beautiful until you get better. Also you forgot your knife, I thought you would want it back."'
'-Jeff '
By the time nurse Jackie came back, the present was hidden under my bed. I told her all that was there was the flowers. She seemed to be disgusted by them so she threw them out. I thanked her for that.
That night, when everyone was either asleep or gone home, I sneaked out. The only thing I had to wear was that dress. So I put it on and I found a pair of shoes outside in the hallway, forgotten by some careless nurse. I wore the wig to look less inconspicuous.
I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't care. When I finally stopped walking, I was in front of a cemetery. I went inside and found two tombstones. Isabelle Arkensaw and Gregory Arkensaw. I sat down in front of their tombstones and cried once more. When I finally sat up, the sun was beginning to rise, and so was a new chapter in my life. I took the mask and put it on. Then picked up the knife and held it as tightly as I did before. Then I turned around and looked at the rising sun, on that day I swore my revenge against Jeff the Killer and donned my new name "Jane Everlasting". For I want the only thing to be more everlasting for Jeff than his madness to be his death.
Ever since that day I have been trying to find Jeff and kill him.
Hunting him.
Hunting him like the animal he is.
I will find you Jeff, and I will kill you.
As for the photo that has been popping up of me saying: "Don't go to Sleep, You won't wake up" that pretty much explains what I want to do with Jeff's victims, prevent them from becoming victims in the first place. Whoever said that I kill them so they don't get killed by Jeff is a gross overstatement.
So, this is my story. Whether you accept it as fact is not up for me to decide. Now if you excuse me, the sun is going down, and the hunt is beginning once more.